GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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