you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
