tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
