Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
