if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
