I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
