You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
