I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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