i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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