I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
