when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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