is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
