My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
NoShamevember. You game?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Randomize
