I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
