I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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