he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
