omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think I won the penis lottery.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I want to fling myself into the sun
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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