She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
