I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
