i just wanna soil my oats bro
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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