that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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