Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
