So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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