i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
