I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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