This girl is more easily done than said...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
