is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
