she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
