You're completely useless in the revolution.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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