I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
