That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
pop tarts are not kleenex
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
