We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
