Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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