I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
