dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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