I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
