I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
