Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
