so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
