Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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