I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
