I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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