I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize