He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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