If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
