Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
