well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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