hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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