That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
