I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
