I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
