There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
