id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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