woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
