if only i could text you this smell
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I understand Curling. That high.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize