Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
