If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
