now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize