oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
