thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
