One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
