Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
