youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
how drunk are you?
Several
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
