i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
