And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize