I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
