Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
