I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
