go do what you do best...puke behind churches
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
