Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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