I love black thongs
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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