If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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